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UNCLE HERMAN'S MYSTERY HAIR!

Oh, some 16 or 17 years ago I took my wife, Sandy, over to my Aunt (Tante Hannelore) and Uncle's (Onkel Herman) house for a nice dinner. My cousin, Bob, and his wife, Andrea, were also there. As the beer and wine flowed--along with the conversation--there came a point when my uncle suddenly exhorted us with a tale of a mysterious 4 inch hair that sprouted out from his neck while he slept one night a few days earlier! As prodigious amounts of alcoholic beverages had-- henceforth, prior to the telling of this tale--been consumed, his story was met with some skepticism by the lot of us. My cousin Bob actually went as far as to tell my uncle the story was getting a "bit thick" and that maybe he ought to lay off the Brandy Manhattans for awhile. My uncle, in his extremely thick Estonian accent, protested quite loudly! He insisted that the story was true! A 4 inch hair grew from his neck in just one night's time!

Well, we all just kind of humored him after that and enjoyed our meal. He was, after all, a man in the thick of his golden years and quite intoxicated to boot. If his memory was a bit altered that was to be expected.

Fast forward 17 years.

So, I'm getting ready for bed the other night (I bet you can see where this is going, can't you?) and I catch a brief glimpse of light as it catches a reflection off of a very fine strand of blonde hair. The hair appears to have stuck itself to my chin or neck area. I am in the middle of brushing my teeth so I just quickly brush at it. It remains. I immediately think "NO WAY!" and summarily finish my brushing, excited at the prospect of what I THINK I have just discovered!

Nervously and anxiously the memories of that dinner with my uncle come flooding back quickly now as I hurriedly rinse, spit and then carefully dry my mouth area--conscientious not to get anywhere near the hair I just spotted!

Could it be?! I wondered. Could it possibly be?!

So, carefully I approach the large mirror in our bathroom, my heart pounding now in my chest (not really but it adds to the story, doesn't it?). The light is good in here, the dark brown colored walls a nice contrast in the background to spot the lone blonde hair.

There it is! One lone, long strand of thin--very thin--blonde hair sticking out of the left side of my neck just a couple inches from the throat area.It's approximately 2 inches in length, not quite the 4 inches my uncle claimed but lengthy for a lone hair in this location nonetheless. I gently grabbed the hair and tugged softly. The skin of my neck puckered outward as I tugged! My God it was attached! But I had to be certain! It could have just been stuck there by some dried saliva or a spot of mucus after all. So I tugged again this time a little bit harder. The skin puckered out again but this time even more! It was! It was attached, there was no doubt.

I stood up now excited about the discovery. Bewildered by this fascinating development. How could a hair grow so quickly I wondered? And I had just shaved that morning. It could not have possibly been missed! No way! And even had it somehow been miraculously missed that morning what about the mornings prior? The WEEKS prior?! The human hair--from what I understand--grows at about the rate of 1/8th of an inch per week. This would mean that my lone hair would have taken about 16 weeks to grow on my neck and avoided at least 64 shavings! I don't think so. And I'm pretty observant when it comes to my personal grooming, giving myself the "once over" every morning and evening in the mirror. If I can always spot those pesky little ear hairs that have been popping up with some frequency the past several years then surely I would have spotted this puppy a lot sooner.

So there was only one possible conclusion to draw from all of this as I stared at my mysterious lone, long blonde neck hair...Just like my Uncle Herman, I sprouted this bad boy in a matter of mere hours. A "Super-Hair" if you will.

I shook my head in amazement, a small smile on my face, as I continued gently tugging and stroking the hair. Fond memories of my uncle swirling in my brain. Uncle Herman's "crazy claim" now vindicated.

And, with no one else still awake in my house to show my wondrous discovery I gave it a firm tug and plucked it from my neck. So thin was the hair that I barely felt any resistance. I held it close before my eyes guaging its length and thickness. Perhaps the "thinness" of it (easily half a normal hair) made the super-growth possible, I postulated.

Staring at it in wonder for a few more seconds I finally discarded the "super-hair" into the toilet and went to bed. I woke up Sandy to tell her all about it though first.

And now I have to call my cousin Bob and tell him his dad wasn't nuts. I'll make sure to call him when I'm not drunk.

Word.

R

Comments
Mary's Gravatar This is Mary, Andrea's sister....she told me about your blog so here I am!
OMG..this was a great story! I can just see (and hear) Herman telling his tale and insisting it was true. I can also hear you and Bob telling him he's full of it!
I miss H+H...they were such cool people. Lots of fun times!
I am enjoying reading your blog, you have so many good stories. Take care and hi to the family.
# Posted By Mary | 5/26/08 9:10 AM
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