Hey all. As you may know I've been laid up with my foot in a cast for 2 weeks now...off the drugs (boo hoo) so the coherency is back and as a result...really bored. Been watching aloooooooooooot of television and thank Odin for the Olympics right now. Been watching about 6-8 hours a day of it and some days even more. What else am I gonna do? watch Jerry Springer (is he still on? Is he still alive?)!

So, The Olympics. Let's summarize so far...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Michael Phelps kicked royal ass and I cheered along the whole way but he's gottewn enough love already so let's focus on some of the other Olympians shall we?

Best Olympian name of the games just simply flat-out has to go to relay swimmer Liam Tancock from Great Britain. Liam TANCOCK!!! That's just awesome. I know Phelps was in that last relay for his 8th gold but a small part of me (guess which one) was pulling for Mr. Tancock.

I just wonder if it's really tan.

Best "Birds" of the games has to go to Sue Bird and Jenny Finch. Tweet tweet in this case translates to Sha-wing Sha-wing! Even my wife, Sandy, noted that Jenny Finch looked like a model. She was, in fact, purring like a kitten as she said it. I got warm.

And is it just me or do our ladies just look that much better than all the other countries ladies or what?!!! In that Olympic category we sweep and would have a 26 way tie at the top! Where do you start? Cute gymnasts, foxy swimmers, the beach volleyball players make me feel evil and then they go and show the pole vaulters that look like cover models! I've been laid up for 2 weeks, folks...aha...NOT HELPING the situation at all.

Seriously, though. Our ladies are by far the best looking besides kicking serious butt (oh I wish it were mine) in their events. Our ladies are the best athletes in the world!

Okay, now onto Badminton. Why? Seriously, this is an Olympic event but they're getting rid of Softball and Baseball after this Olympics? That's disgusting.

Been some definite scoring favoritism in the Gymnastics, as per usual, with the Chinese being the beneficiaries of said favoritism. When us layman can spot it it's one thing...I don't know technical difficulty from difficulty taking a dump (which the pain pills caused btw) but I do know what looks good and I do know that when a gymnast lands ON HER FRIGGIN' KNEES on her landing from the vault she doesn't deserve a Bronze medal!!! And when the commentators continuously make a point of saying it's "hinky" then you know it's HINKY! That's what sucks about Gymnastics and Figure Skating...the judges. The CORRUPT judges. Always been a problem and, apparently, always will be. And yet they both dominate the coverage every single time the Olympics are televised. Sigh. Whattaya gonna do?

A'ight, that's it for now.

word.

r

Hey all,

Had my heel surgery on Friday to remove the very painful bone spur that was causing me severe pain for the past 8 months. Prior to that it was moments of excrutiation over the past 10 years so I think it was time for the surgery. So, did I mention that the spur was conveniently located behind the achilles tendon right on the tip of the back of the heel? And that because of this brilliant location the achilles had to be partially detached to get at the spur? And, oh yeah, did I also mention that I have these little lovelys in BOTH HEELS and that heel #2's surgery will be following soon?

Yes. The summer of Hell (I honestly just misspelled Hell as Heel...can you believe it?) continues for us here at casa Koslowski.

So, I'll be laid up for 4 weeks in a cast and then 2-4 more weeks of rehab and then onto heel #2. Weeeeeeeee!!!!!!

The discomfort is unbelievable, folks. Sleeping through the night is impossible. But the pain pills are pretty darn cool. I am not a recreational drug user, and never really have been as I am all about control, but the past 2 days--and in times past for other surgeries--I must say that the pills have brought me a certain degree of, oh, shall we say...BLISS. I dig the lucid dreaming...that in-between awake and asleep place where you know you're hallucinating/dreaming and yet you can still follow the game that's playing on the tv. A fairly cool thing. So there's that. The bright side, right?

And I hope to finish my latest, and long overdue, 3 Geeks comic while I'm laid up. It's set to be an exclusive release for this year's Baltimore Comic-Con so I'm very excited about it. In this issue I'll be taking on the always controversial debate about "slabbing" comics and the CGC company. So make sure you keep your eyes peeled for that issue. Go to Baltimore and get your copy there!

In other news...

The Brett Favre thing. Yep. I guess it's finally over. The long, painful, irritating, shameful ordeal has finally come to a rather surreal and sad ending for us Packer fans. A Jet?! REALLY?! This is ridiculous.

Brett Favre is going to end his career as a Jet.

That's just wrong.

But whattaya gonna do. Time to move on. I'm not going to drudge it all up anymore because, frankly, I'm exhausted from it all and am just ready to move on and forward with Aaron Rodgers and plan on cheering the hell out of the guy, good or bad. It's all I can do.

A'ight, foot's starting to throb so I gotta go elevate. (and pop a couple little pillies...yaaaayyyy).

word.

r

Hey all. Sorry but this one's gonna be short and boring as hell. I am sick. Sandy is sick. And poor little Stella is really sick! In fact we had to rush her to the emergency room last night at 11:30 PM and were there until 1:45 AM. What we thought was just a common cold with a slight fever (we had her home all week from school) evolved into a frightening episode last night of her shaking/shivering uncontrollably and screaming in pain at some cramps in her legs. So we rushed to the hospital where we waited, and waited, and waited....meanwhile I walk her around comforting her as she falls asleep on my shoulder from exhaustion. She then wakes up 10 minutes later and pukes all over me. Now we're really freaked out and, needless to say, pretty grossed out as well.

Well, turns out her cold evolved into a pretty serious ear infection that just turned her whole system topsy-turvy. We had actually suspected an ear infection the day before because she said her ear ached whenever she sneezed or burped but then it seemed to go away. The fever would go away as well. So we didn't pull the trigger on taking her to her doctor on Tuesday like we had planned on Monday.

Lesson learned.

If you suspect an ear infection with your kid take them right away, man. It's pretty prevalent with little kids when they get bad colds because their ear canals are narrower than an adults--they get clogged by the mucus in the nasal passage and then the goop gets stuck there and voila! ear infection!

So, not alot of sleep here lately with that and us being sick as well. Hence, this boring blog. Please forgive me.

Word.

R

P.S. Our softball team did have it's debut yesterday before the mayhem late last night and we pulled off an exciting 14-12 win. Just thought you'd all like to know that.

P.P.S. My heel is still friggin' killing me...did you know I have horrible bone spurs? Yep, fun stuff. Surgery this Fall.

That's right, folks, it's all gotta go! I'm purging, wheeling and dealing on everything here at casa Koslowski. The house has become overrun with stuff...lotsa stuff!! First and foremost my beloved comic book collection. Yep, that's right. I know, I know...anybody out there who also collects is right now reading this as the hairs on the back of their neck stand at attention and the pit of their stomach sinks a couple inches...some of you may have even thrown up in your mouth a little. "H-HOW CAN YOU SELL YOUR C-C-COMICS?!!" But it's true. I'm 40, we're making some changes, and I could use some space and a few bucks. Plus, I look at all these comics and ask myself, "Am I ever going to read them, again?" If the answer is "No" then they must go. I'll be saving some, of course. The chances of my ever obtaining an Avengers #4 signed by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby are pretty limited so, yeah, that one stays (unless someone makes me a seriously SERIOUS offer!). And there are quite a few of my Golden and Silver Age comics I'll hold onto, but 90% of the collection is going to be sold!

SO! If you are interested check out eBay where I've started listing them. And there is some good shit going up my friends...good shit! The "shit" shit I'll try and sell at the local shows and flea markets, don't worry.

So go check it out...right now! My eBay seller name is Poo666 and, yes, it's a stupid name...I know. It was inadvertent when I registered. I thought that was going to be my password and it was a stupid, juvenile password I'd easily remember so that's why I picked it. Hey, I wasn't very savvy on the computer stuff when I joined eBay so I hadn't a clue...and I was too scared to try and change it so I left it. And now that I know how to change it I don't want to cuz I've got a solid track record as Poo666, alright?! So I'm stuck being Poo666...the "shitty devil" if you will.

sigh...

And, yep, not just selling the comics. Furniture, books, cds, toys, everything! We're purging it all. Then it's the house! More on that later...when we're ready.

So feel free to send your money. Check out my eBay goodies and go friggin' nuts.

That's it for this week...ain't got much else.

Word.

r

Hey all! I am here today to do you all a public service and hopefully help save you the $50 I spent a few days back taking my daughter and a friend to see HORTON HEARS A WHO!

I really can't understand the reviewers sometimes...I take the time to research kids films because all-to-often they blow chunks. So, when HORTON was announced I, naturally, became pretty optimistic what with Steve Carrell and Jim Carrey and Carol Burnett signed on as voice actors. And I love Dr. Suess! But, as I've learned to do from past burns, I still waited until the reviews came in. I trust my weekly subscription to ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY for these reviews --NOT, however, the staff reviewers who are most definitely hit-or-miss at best! No, I wait until the following week's issue where we get all the reviewers grades and a pretty good overall idea/average grade. I've also come to realize that Rene Rodriguez is almost always sypmatico with my tastes in movies. I must now point out that hers was only one of a few missing on Horton in this last issue of EW so she isn't party to the horrible mistake the other reviewers caused me to make. And there are a few numbskulls who I can always dismiss right off--Stephanie Zacharek (this broad hates everything!), Mick LaSalle (terrible taste), Carrie Rickey and Todd McCarthy (unreliably uneven) and EW who seem to pander sometimes and the EW Readers who seem to give EVERYTHING a "B" or higher (and all Adam Sandler movies a resounding "A"! Ugh!)!

Anyway, the grades all came in at "B"s and higher! So, naturally. I assumed that even with the few numbskulls an all "B" grid with a few "A"s peppered in (and the aforementioned voice talent) surely meant this movie would be pretty darn good.

Not.

I know a movie, especially a kid's movie, really stinks it up when I feel my daughter's head rest against my shoulder a quarter of the way through--it's especially bad when the "shoulder lean" occurs 15-20 times during the film! That coupled with the silent full theatre is also a pretty good barometer that this baby blows! I counted 2 medium sized chuckles and one half chuckle throughout the entire film. And it was long, folks (at least it seemed that way, I dunno, really).

It was dull. It was boring. It was really kind of disturbing...and NOT in a good way. Trust me, I like "disturbing", yes, even in a kid's movie, if it's handled well and serves a purpose and is PLAUSIBLE! Carol Burnett's part of the crazed and paranoid Kangaroo just didn't play. Completely over-the-top and completely implausible. There wasn't enough groundwork layed for her reactions (over-reactions) to Horton's "hearing the Whos" and the jungle folk all falling in line behind her and allowing her to work them into a froth-mouthed frenzy. It just didn't fly and it came across as disturbing (not in a good way) and forced. As if the writers were trying way too hard to teach the kid's a proper lesson about crazed, maniacal, paranoid people. Which we all know is a huge problem in your typical 6-year-old's world, right?

They missed the mark again on a classic Seuss tale. I believe that's three in a row they've screwed up now isn't it?

But, getting back to where I was originally heading with all of this...The writers, directors, studio blew it, yes, but how about these useless reviewers? That's what really ticks me off. The average grade on this stinker was a solid "B" in EW! A "B"!

A "B" is pretty good if I recall (didn't get too many in school but I remember them being something that was good). Just one away from the coveted "A" and definitely better than the average "C". "B"s are a good thing...a sure bet...a job well done. It seems to me that the reviewers watch (I assume they actually see these films) any kid's film and if the animation looks good (Horton's was great BTW, I'll give it that) and the story is harmless it's an automatic "B" or better. Go back! Look! Look at all the sub-par kid's flicks that have come out in recent years and you'll see that I am right--MADAGASCAR, ICE AGE 2, MEET THE ROBINSONS, HAPPY FEET, ROBOTS, CHICKEN LITTLE, VALIANT and on and on and on--they all got these "B" grades and they were all benign (but very well animated!) pieces of garbage. Boring at best.

I'll never forget my daughter's review of Madagascar after we saw it and I asked her how she liked it--exact words, "It wasn't good but it wasn't bad, dad...it was just adequate."

SHE WAS 5!!! And she was exactly right (Actually she was generous on that one but she was, indeed, only 5 so I'll cut her a little slack).

Point being is that these reviewers seem to stamp any kid's movie a "B" or better. ***NOTE*** They actually did get DOOGAL right a few years back, I'll give them that, but, sadly, that was one I didn't wait for the reviews for...that one was all on me (see, I take responsibility for my own failures, too).

Anyway, the "stamping all kid's movies with "B"s rant" I was just on...Where does that put really great kid's movies like LION KING, THE INCREDIBLES, TOY STORY, TOY STORY II, ENCHANTED, MONSTER'S INC...? There are many more but you get my point. Sure, they gave these movies all "A"s and deservedly so, but if they are "A"s then surely a turd like HORTON, comparatively speaking, deserves no better than a "D", which is what I'd give it. By giving these crummy films all "B"s it diminishes the "A"s that the truly good movies receive. It does.

Get on the ball reviewers or get a clue. And if you can't do either than spare us your reviews all-together. You just cost me $50 bucks I'd've much rather spent taking them to the Discovery World museum or the zoo.

WORD!

R

Oh, some 16 or 17 years ago I took my wife, Sandy, over to my Aunt (Tante Hannelore) and Uncle's (Onkel Herman) house for a nice dinner. My cousin, Bob, and his wife, Andrea, were also there. As the beer and wine flowed--along with the conversation--there came a point when my uncle suddenly exhorted us with a tale of a mysterious 4 inch hair that sprouted out from his neck while he slept one night a few days earlier! As prodigious amounts of alcoholic beverages had-- henceforth, prior to the telling of this tale--been consumed, his story was met with some skepticism by the lot of us. My cousin Bob actually went as far as to tell my uncle the story was getting a "bit thick" and that maybe he ought to lay off the Brandy Manhattans for awhile. My uncle, in his extremely thick Estonian accent, protested quite loudly! He insisted that the story was true! A 4 inch hair grew from his neck in just one night's time!

Well, we all just kind of humored him after that and enjoyed our meal. He was, after all, a man in the thick of his golden years and quite intoxicated to boot. If his memory was a bit altered that was to be expected.

Fast forward 17 years.

So, I'm getting ready for bed the other night (I bet you can see where this is going, can't you?) and I catch a brief glimpse of light as it catches a reflection off of a very fine strand of blonde hair. The hair appears to have stuck itself to my chin or neck area. I am in the middle of brushing my teeth so I just quickly brush at it. It remains. I immediately think "NO WAY!" and summarily finish my brushing, excited at the prospect of what I THINK I have just discovered!

Nervously and anxiously the memories of that dinner with my uncle come flooding back quickly now as I hurriedly rinse, spit and then carefully dry my mouth area--conscientious not to get anywhere near the hair I just spotted!

Could it be?! I wondered. Could it possibly be?!

So, carefully I approach the large mirror in our bathroom, my heart pounding now in my chest (not really but it adds to the story, doesn't it?). The light is good in here, the dark brown colored walls a nice contrast in the background to spot the lone blonde hair.

There it is! One lone, long strand of thin--very thin--blonde hair sticking out of the left side of my neck just a couple inches from the throat area.It's approximately 2 inches in length, not quite the 4 inches my uncle claimed but lengthy for a lone hair in this location nonetheless. I gently grabbed the hair and tugged softly. The skin of my neck puckered outward as I tugged! My God it was attached! But I had to be certain! It could have just been stuck there by some dried saliva or a spot of mucus after all. So I tugged again this time a little bit harder. The skin puckered out again but this time even more! It was! It was attached, there was no doubt.

I stood up now excited about the discovery. Bewildered by this fascinating development. How could a hair grow so quickly I wondered? And I had just shaved that morning. It could not have possibly been missed! No way! And even had it somehow been miraculously missed that morning what about the mornings prior? The WEEKS prior?! The human hair--from what I understand--grows at about the rate of 1/8th of an inch per week. This would mean that my lone hair would have taken about 16 weeks to grow on my neck and avoided at least 64 shavings! I don't think so. And I'm pretty observant when it comes to my personal grooming, giving myself the "once over" every morning and evening in the mirror. If I can always spot those pesky little ear hairs that have been popping up with some frequency the past several years then surely I would have spotted this puppy a lot sooner.

So there was only one possible conclusion to draw from all of this as I stared at my mysterious lone, long blonde neck hair...Just like my Uncle Herman, I sprouted this bad boy in a matter of mere hours. A "Super-Hair" if you will.

I shook my head in amazement, a small smile on my face, as I continued gently tugging and stroking the hair. Fond memories of my uncle swirling in my brain. Uncle Herman's "crazy claim" now vindicated.

And, with no one else still awake in my house to show my wondrous discovery I gave it a firm tug and plucked it from my neck. So thin was the hair that I barely felt any resistance. I held it close before my eyes guaging its length and thickness. Perhaps the "thinness" of it (easily half a normal hair) made the super-growth possible, I postulated.

Staring at it in wonder for a few more seconds I finally discarded the "super-hair" into the toilet and went to bed. I woke up Sandy to tell her all about it though first.

And now I have to call my cousin Bob and tell him his dad wasn't nuts. I'll make sure to call him when I'm not drunk.

Word.

R

I was shocked. After the fantastic season and juuuust falling short of making the SuperBowl and ending his season with an interception, I was shocked to hear that Brett Favre was retiring. Had he made this announcement last year I don't think many people would have been surprised. This year?...I think 99% of Packer Nation was stunned speechless.

But, when you think about it it fits, doesn't it? I mean, after all, this is what Brett's been doing his whole career...shocking and stunning us with the unexpected. That's what we love about him more than his obvious physical attributes. His ability to keep us on the edge of our seats. Love his "gunslinging" style or not you have to admit he always kept it exciting.

So, no...in retrospect none of us should have been shocked at all...it's just typical Favre and I love it!

I could cite all the records and accomplishments here and tell you all why he was so great but we've all heard that before and have been reminded of it all this week. So I'm going to just assume you all already know all of that and comment specifically about one particular comment he made at his press conference that really struck me. That hit me even harder than the news of his retirement. In his press conference yesterday (which I thought was great. No notes just shooting straight from the hip) he said one particular thing that made me, once again, realize why I personally connected with this guy. We all love him because he's an "everyman' right? someone we all feel we could hang with and knock back a few beers with. The athlete with no ego who dresses in jeans and flip-flops and isn't afraid to say what he feels and show us he's human by shedding the occasional tear. And when he cried we all cried with him (if you didn't, I'm sorry, but you have no soul). But he's also a lot more cerebral than I think most people give him credit for. I think a lot of people see his carefree, huckleberry attitude and miss the fact that this guy has one heckuva head on his shoulders. He commented that the night before his press conference he watched some of the tributes the many and varied stations were showing. The old footage of his career and life and that watching this he understood what death felt like. The reporters laughed at first and he chuckled softly with them but he was serious. He meant it. You could see it in his eyes and you could see that the realization really affected him. Once again he showed us that he was, indeed, human. And when he made that comment my heart skipped a beat. It skipped a beat because I watched those very same tributes the night before and had the same exact feeling.

"What the hell do you mean, Rich? It wasn't your friggin' highlight reel they showed you idiot?" Right? Is that what you're saying right now? No, it wasn't my highlight reel. But watching it reminds me that I'm getting older with Brett. We're both in that same age bracket--I'm actually a couple years his senior (which makes it more depressing)--and for the last 16 years I've watched him every week under center during the football season. He's become a part of my life. A constant. And his retirement reminds me that a chapter has closed not only in his life but in mine as well. Time is moving on and there's nothing he can do about it and there's nothing I can do about it. We're one step closer to that final, inevitable, chapter.

I know this sounds rather ominous but you can't help but realize it. He realized as did I. It's sad and it's frightening. We all want to live forever and when a guy like Brett Favre comes along and is there every season, every week, every game, whether he's hurt or his father just passed away, whatever the situation, he's always there! It gives you a sense of immortality. Especially when he's the same age as you. You see him running around like a young kid out there every game and it makes you feel young.

And then he hangs it up. He's had enough.

Reality sets in. You realize again that he's "your age." You realize that you're getting older too. So I connected with him when he said he knew what it felt like to be dead. A chapter has closed in his life as well as mine.

And that makes me very sad. I'm going to miss that friggin' hillbilly.

word.

r

I shoveled snow for three straight hours today. THREE STRAIGHT HOURS! And I am not a wuss. I move, baby! I am a non-stop snow moving machine. No breaks longer than 20 seconds to take a drink of Vitamin Water. THREE STRAIGHT HOURS!!! We got hit with a blizzard that snowed for 30 hours yesterday and a whopping 16 inches fell here with drifts of 2-3 feet in my friggin' driveway. And the problem with my particular driveway is that there is nowhere to go with the shit! The houses are directly on either side and in the back where our shared driveway "Ts" there's a fence surrounding everything and my neighbor lady's garage. Yes, I am a good samaritan and shovel for her as she is elderly. SO! I literally have to heave the god-forsaken shit up and over either a 4 foot fence on one half or a 6 foot fence on the other. There are only two gaps approximately 2 feet wide on each end of the drive that I can throw the crap through but then that means pushing shovel load after shovel load 30 to 40 feet at a time to get to these gaps...a bit time consuming. So I heave. I figure I heaved at least 500 shovel fulls today, each weighing somewhere in the vicinity of 20 pounds plus...the snow was very wet and heavy thank you very much. Add it up, kids...that's about 10,000 pounds. And that's just the stuff I had to heave, that doesn't factor in the crap I was able to merely push--often having the shovel dig in causing the handle to painfully jam into my lower abdominal region...this happened approximately 37 times.

My back is killing me, my arms feel like lead, my hands are claws right now, my hamstrings are angry and my neck--if it had a voice--would be whimpering like a little girl who just had her entire My Little Pony collection melted by her mean older brother.

And I've shoveled at least 25 times this year and winter's still got a lot of time left. We usually start warming up in mid-May for God's sake...and that's not an exaggeration.

So, yeah, "Eff Wisconsin!" And don't let anybody tell you any different. It sucks here. No bones about it. Someone tells you they "Love living here!" they're full of shit or, as the saying goes, got a little bit of the "Ignorance is bliss" thing going on. There is very little good about living here. Shitty weather, short summer, and incredibly effed up taxes. It's really ridiculous anyone's left living here anymore when you think about it.

Yeah, I bitch about living here a lot. I know. I honestly hate the climate here. I want to move. But my family's here and my friends are here. That's it. I'd miss them.

But I gotta tell ya. I've had it. 40 years of living through miserable winters is enough. Time for a change. The depression of the "winter blues" has really hit me harder and harder the last 6-7 years and this year's record setting snowfalls just sealed the deal.

We're actively looking for someplace warmer to live. I can't put my daughter in the same position I find myself in now when she's 40 and feeling stuck like I do.

So if you've got a job opportunity for an ambitious, uber-talented writer/artist lemme know! I'm there in a heartbeat.

Seriously.

R

Hey kids. The holidays are (mercifully) over and it's back to work for this poor bastard.

I made an interesting observation over the holidays, however, that in the past 15 years I had previously been remiss in noticing! As some of you may know the Green Bay Packers and their Hall-Of-Fame quarterback--one Mr. Brett Lorenzo Favre (rhymes with carve for those who are wondering)--have been doing exceptionally well this season. In fact, they have exceeded everyone and anyone's expectations--including their own team members, including Brett Lorenzo. I admit that I had them finishing 7 and 9 at best!

Anyways, the thing that I noticed that I previously had missed was the striking similarities between Brett Lorenzo's charmed life and my own! It's really uncanny! See if you agree...here we go...

1) Both fine looking individuals.

2) Tall in stature.

3) Terrific physiques.

4) Obviously gifted with athletic ability.

5) Charming as all Hell.

6) Similar age-wise.

7) Both have a propensity to acquire, formulate and pass large quantities of gas (i.e. we both toot a lot).

8) Both married fine looking ladies.

9) Both DESERVE fine looking ladies.

10) Both adored by legions of fans (just a slight discrepancy in the number of fans we each have).

11) Both took a shine to Vicodan (albeit he enjoyed his stint on the "don't care" pill a wee bit longer than me).

12) And we both wore braces at one time (although I had mine when I was 12 not 25).

The only dissimilarities seem to be...

1) The accent.

2) The love for mowing the grass (he loves, I do not).

3) And lastly, our vocations. Of which he has done exceedingly well, achieved the heights of success even the biggest of dreamers could never possibly conceive of, reached the seemingly impossible pinnacle of achievement and success and then leapt high off of it and miraculously seemed to touch the very hand of God himself and was lifted yet even higher to even more glorious and marvelous heights heretofore thought impossible even by God Himself (or Herself don't want to offend any of the ladies), and did so with the humility of the most common and gracious of men, all the while amassing and surpassing just about every important quarterback--and football player for that matter--record there ever was and possibly ever will be, and while doing all that reaping the most lavish of rewards and praise along the way, the least of which millions and millions and millions of dollars in player contract and endorsement deals!

While I, on the other hand, have not.

So, as you can clearly see...aside from those 3 small differences we're very much alike.

Word.

R

On November 1st I celebrated my 40th birthday. A significant day in my life, my family's life (by default), and the entire world's apparently! Because, apparently, the world has officially gone crazy the day I turned 40...Let me explain... On November 1st of the year 2007 the United States of America unilaterally decided to now entirely ignore Thanksgiving and go straight to Christmas! And why the hell not, I guess? Right? Not enough bucks in selling a few million turkeys and the fixin's that go with it. Turkey is really actually pretty darn affordable per pound. Giblets, corn, pumpkin pie?...all reasonably priced items.

Now Halloween on the other hand generates a nice tidy sum for retailers. You got the costumes (which ain't cheap), the slew of parties which usually involve quite a bit of alcohol (big bucks), and the billions spent on all that wonderful candy! So we go nuts on Halloween and the retailers enjoy this.

But Thanksgiving? Nope...not a whole lot of money required for the families of America to enjoy this beloved holiday and the quality time spent with their loving families, getting together to give thanks for all the good fortune we have.

Not the right "fortune" I guess though, right? In America we want the LITERAL "fortune" not the figurative one.

BUT CHRISTMAS?!! Woo-WEEE!!! That is some HUGE buckaroos spent there my friend...the "literal fortune" and then some! It's estimated that most retailers generate 40% of their yearly income on Christmas sales alone! 40% spent for ONE SINGLE DAY!!! Pretty substantial, hey? Yep, and apparently, because of this, we've (they've) decided to skip Thanksgiving decorations, advertising, songs (I know, there's not many), etc. and go right from Halloween to the Christmas festivities. Each and every year we have--as a nation--tried our collective darndest to get Christmas rammed down the buying publics throats as soon as possible. The most noticeable way was always the tv ads starting earlier and earlier every year. Annoying, right? Yeah, very...but that seemed to be the extent of it for the most part. For the retailers of America there was always that darned Thanksgiving getting in their way! How could they avoid it? The stores would go from their Halloween themed decor immediately to their Thanksgiving decorations. And then on the day after Thanksgiving the blitzkrieg would start! Wee-hoo! There was "Black Friday" where all the idiots would line up at Wal-Marts (camp out even!) starting before the crack of dawn, frothing at the mouth, sometimes getting in fistfights or trampled to death to save a few bucks on the latest Precious Moments figurines.

Well, not anymore. This year we have truly gone to Hell. November 1st, 2007 not only marked my 40th birthday (and let me remind you that November 1st is also ALL SAINTS DAY) but it was also the day and year that Christmas finally, and completely, went from what was supposed to be the most blessed day on earth to what it really is for 90% of our populace...a 60(ish) day extravaganza to uncontrollably piss away a lot of money on a lot of crap no one really needs.

And what, pray tell, happened on November 1st to make me think this you ask? Well, on the way to lunch at my favorite restaurant I almost vomited when Sandy leaned over to change the radio station and said, "Did you hear this yet?" and I gave her a confused look. Her finger tapped one of the buttons and the local station WMYX lit up on the display...it took me a few seconds before I realized what I was hearing!...Yes, you guessed it, Christmas music! "What the...?!" I said, "But it must be just the one song some idiot requested right?" I added. NOPE! This local station--which I will now and forever from this day forth BOYCOTT--proudly announced that from this day until Christmas they'd be playing all Christmas music 24 hours a day! "What the HELL?!!!" I spat! "You have got to be S***ing me!" Nope.

Okay, so it's one a-holeish radio station, right? Sadly, wrong! In the following hours they mobiliozed! It seemed this was an organized decision! As we drove down the street we saw it...it was happening...the Halloween decor came down and what was going up in its place?...Thanksgiving stuff right? That's what always happens...It-it's the next major holiday after all!!! Nope. The Christmas crap was going up all over the place. The florists, the restaurants, the bank, etc. They all decided to skip Thanksgiving and go straight to the Christmas bucks...get a jump on the competition! And the competition took notice! The floodgates opened wide! For in the following days, one-by-one, they all jumped on the "skip Thanksgiving day" bandwagon. "Let's just pretend it doesn't exist," they thought. "People are stupid. They are sheep! They will buy what we tell them to buy."

And sadly they're right. For the most part anyways. People will flock to the stores and they will spend more than they usually do. More than they can probably afford. Our local mall even had a "lighting of the tree" celebration THIS WEEK where Santa himself appeared to greet the children and give the parents an opportunity to purchase their photos of the kids and Santa early! Wow! Thank you Bayshore Mall! You're the greatest.

We're boycotting them, too.

My guess is that at least 30% of people don't even know the real origin of Christmas anymore. And don't get me wrong!...I'm not a "Bible thumper"...not at all! Trust me. But this IS a religious holiday, isn't it? I forget. A holiday that is supposed to celebrate the life of a man who died for our sins...remember? Isn't "Gluttony" one of the seven deadly sins? Yeah, I know, "gluttony's" not one of the Ten Commandments but there is a lot of "Thou shalt not covet..." going on in there and I think spending shitloads of money on boatloads of trinkets and crap is close enough...Hey, I went to Confirmation classes and learned all that good stuff!

But, whatever, bottom line is that somehow I seriously doubt that when Jesus was up there on the cross he wondered how much Gross National Product would be generated on the day we celebrated his birth!

word.

r