Okay, did a little movie marathon last week Thursday with Sandy and we saw The Hulk and Hellboy II back-to-back. We both saw the previous prequels of these two films as well when they both came out a few years back and enjoyed both of them--even though the first Hulk was slammed by just about everyone--but REALLY enjoyed the first Hellboy! The first Hellboy was fantastic, capturing everything that made the comic book a hit perfectly. Hellboy was quirky but also noble and courageous. The supporting cast was equally brilliant with Abe Sapien and the Jeffrey Tambor character stealing every scene they were in.

The story had intrigue, action, humor and wonderful visual effects. An A+ movie and we couldn't wait for the sequel.

The sequel stunk.

And I don't know if we entered an alternate reality version when we walked through the theater doors last Thursday, or not, because all the reviewers gave this movie glowing reviews! Maybe we saw a different film?! Rene Rodriguez from Entertainment Weekly is usually dead on and I agree with her reviews 90% of the time...she gave it an A or an A- can't remember which but I was stunned!

Now I don't want to bash this film as I truly love Hellboy and Mike Mignola and Guillermo Del Toro but the film was just too goofy! Two minutes in I knew I was going to be disappointed. They went for camp and visuals in this sequel and seemingly only that. Focusing on what they thought made the first film so great...the quirky bits of humor that gave the movie such charm. But in focusing on that they abandoned the elements that also made the film AND the characters so great! Hellboy was turned into an adolescent goofball with a serious case of attention defecit disorder in HII. Gone was his nobility, his heart, his charm. Instead he only annoyed. They started the film off with him as a young boy..er, HELLboy. And although this start was very, very goofy--very over-the-top!-- it seemed intentional and I accepted it. I thought it was a cheesey, campy set-up for the terror that was sure to follow...wrong. The camp continued, never stopped. Then they followed with a knock-down drag-out fight between the now bickering couple in love, Hellboy and Liz Sherman. This was uncomfortable and didn't work. The first one ended with them finally realizing how much they meant to one another and now they can't stand each other? At least she can't stand him. And who can blame her, really, since they turned him into such an unlikable character here? ugh. And remeber how Hellboy saved Liz in the first film and how brilliant and beautiful that was? Ruined here. And, AND, they repeat this scene later in HII with Liz now having a similar scene with Hellboy now at death's door. Sheesh! (Liz also repeats her line from the first film about, "You should be running now." When she fires up at one point. Sheesh again.) They ruined Abe turning him into a stumbling bumbling lovesick puppy; they ruined Jeffrey Tambor's character turning him into a sniveling kiss ass taking away his pompous charm that made his character work so well in the first film; they ruined Liz Sherman turning her into a boring crank and they brought in the great character Johann Krauss from the comics and turned him into a character with really bad punchlines and a really bad german accent.

And all the creatures they rolled out? Too much focus on that here and at times it seemed as if they were doing it just for the sake of doing it. The entire Troll Market seemed very contrived and completely superfluous. And they just happened to stumble upon the missing princess there?! Come on guys, I know you can write better than that.

But the topper of the whole thing was when Hellboy saves the entire city from a building-sized monstrosity, also saving a baby along the way (and holding the baby through the entire fight BTW. Again, come on, guys!), and after saving said city and baby the entire crowd suddenly turns on the formerly beloved Hellboy calling him a menace and hurling objects at him as the woman whose baby he saved screams at him in terror grabbing the baby away as Hellboy stands there stunned. And then, THEN, Liz rushes to his side and actually says, "Can't you see he's trying to help you?! Can't you see?!!!" or something to that effect. ugh. Haven't we seen this scene before soooo many times? It's trite and it's implausable. Painful and I was surprised that two geniuses like Mignola and Del Toro would write this. I don't get it.

There were also a lot of convenient story devices which didn't play like them just happening upon a troll on a cart who just happened to know someone nearby who just happened to be able to heal Hellboy's terminal injury. How fortuitous for them. And why/how was Abe able to all-of-a-sudden be able to waltz around without his breathing device he needed and pointed out needing earlier in the film? And their hijacking the plane from BPRD headquarters without clearance even though there are armed guards all over the place? Right.

And I tell you, the only character in this film that I actually LIKED and admired/respected was the bad guy! He had nobility, purpose and a sad vulnerability...HEY! Waitaminute! Just like Hellboy had in the first film! Hmmm.....

If you just need visuals to make your movie going experience a good one this is the film for you as it's just one long Star Wars cantina scene. But if you're expecting the same quality, balanced movie that was the first Hellboy you'll be disappointed like we were.

Contrarily! we weren't expecting much from The Hulk and ended up enjoying it very much. Was it an A movie? No, but it was definitely a solid B. Good story, great acting, great action! Just what one would expect from a Hulk movie, right? Had the sadness we'd expect as well. A couple nice nods to Lou Ferrigno and Stan Lee and also Bill Bixby and the great nod to the old tv line, "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry" I won't spill on how they changed this line but it was great and it was hilarious. They also threw in a nod to Jim Wilson and Jack McGee and a few other little things only the true Hulk afficianado will pick up. Making the Hulk talk was also great! Missed that in the first film and it was always my biggest gripe in the tv series when I was a wee lad.

The Hulk is a fun film people. Go see it. Hellboy II? Save your money.

And don't even get me started on Spider-Man 3 which we just saw on DVD a couple weeks back! Holy God was this a bad movie. We actually felt awkward while watching it and embarrassed for Toby McGuire. This was almost, ALMOST as bad as Batman and Robin folks. Almost.

Word.

r

p.s. Comic-Con International this week! I'll be camped in artists alley so stop on by! We can debate the film reviews if you'd like. I'm right, though, just so you know.

Hey all,

This week I'm going to do you all a huge favor and you can then show your appreciation by sending me envelopes filled with cold hard cash. Trust me, you'll want to after taking this next little piece of advice.

GO SEE IRON MAN RIGHT NOW!!!

No, I meant it...If you're still reading this you effed up, man. Go see the movie then come back and read the rest of this blog.

Okay? You back? Awesome! Wasn't that unreal? I've seen a lot of super-hero or comic book based movie adaptations and this was easily the best of the bunch. Was it not? Okay, here's what I know you'll agree made this movie so utterly kick-ass. Here we go...

1) Robert Downey, Jr. Three four years ago I was as fed up with this guy as the rest of us normal "work our asses off to pay the bills" working joes. I was sick and tired of seeing that mussed up, dark circles under the eyes loser in front of the judge getting yet another "last chance" to clean himself up. I really wanted him to just go away...get thrown in the slammer and never hear from the loser again. And I think a lot of you felt the same way.

And yet...

Yeah, dammit, and yet...God Dang myself I couldn't deny I loved the way the guy acted. His talent couldn't be denied. His roles in Wonder Boys and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang not to mention just about every-friggin-thing-else he's ever been in have been nothing short of spectacular. Yep, the drug user and multi-abuser definitely always had the good when it came to his acting.

Yep, so when he was cast as Tony Stark/Iron Man, yep, I couldn't help but get excited. I knew he'd be perfect for the role. After all, Tony Stark is an alcoholic. Yep, in the comics series he's an alcoholic in case you don't read the books (and you really should). One of the brilliant things Marvel Comics did with the character to give him the patented "Marvel Flaw" that made the character more human. And, apparently, casting Downey was another sign of brilliance if only to have an actor that could relate on that level with the comic character!

Damn! I couldn't help but shake my head at the brilliance of this casting decision.

Then you find out he's been clean for the past 3 years on top of it! Crap! Could he really FINALLY have learned his lesson after all the fugg ups of the past 20ish years?!! Now I have to applaud the casting decision and Downey himself. It's all good.

And, yep again, the brilliant, now sober actor nailed the part better than anyone else on the planet could have ever hoped to have done. Grade: A+!! He had the charisma, charm, swagger, good looks, smarts, clever quips and delivery only he seems to have--that answering a person's question but really talking to himself thing he does so freaking well!--and the vulnerability necessary to make Tony Stark and thereby Iron Man HUMAN. Just like in the comics and just the reason the character succeeded in the first place.

So, 1) Robert Downey, Jr.

2) Jon Favreau, director. Always liked him as an actor and have grown to really appreciate him as a director. He seems to also have that "everyman" likeability as an actor in the roles he's played (Friends, Made) and a great sense of what works on the screen when he directs. Go rent the underrated Zathura and you'll see the film that preceded Iron Man and probably sealed the deal on landing this gig. Zathura demonstrated he knew how to pull of an action/adventure movie without entirely relying on special effects like so many directors seem to do in these CGI laden days of film making. He understands pacing and humor and characterization as vital elements in making a film. This movie will plant him firmly now on the A-list of Hollywood directors and deservedly so! Grade: Another A+!!

3) The story. Don't know offhand who wrote this puppy but they did a bang-up job. They kept it true to the comic's rich history while making the right updates in making it relevant...i.e. Instead of Stark being held prisoner during the Viet Nam war he's now being held by Afghan terrorists. They also tuned a very nice little trick with Tony Stark's "heart problem" he always had to deal with in the comics. They took an element that was always rather simple and gave it a nice, techno twist that also tied in with the overall plot of the film. Very tight scripting. Funny, smart, great action sequences, dialogue, everything!

The only minor quibble I had was when Tony Stark had his revelation--his realization that being a weapons manufacturer was bad--that the transition into turning the revelation into a suit of armor wasn't fully explained enough. Yeah, I got it, he made the suit and eventually used it to right his own wrongs, yes...I got that. But they took us from his saying he wanted to work on his ground-breaking energy source to help mankind to all of a sudden making the suit! It was a quick transition and the "making of the suit part" didn't make sense at the time/wasn't fully explained enough. "Why would he make this thing to convert/store/emit the energy?"

Anyway, it was a minor quibble. Writing still kicked total ass. Grade: A.

4) Supporting cast. All exceptional actors. Terrance Howard, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow. All-star cast and an all-star job. Grade: A.

5) Everything else under the sun. The day was nice, the timing right (was having a craptastic couple weeks being under the weather with horrible cold/flu/throat crap), the popcorn was delicious, the theatre not crowded (go to Tuesday matinees people), the cushy oversized seats (IPIC Theatres rock! Lucky to have the first one in the friggin' country here just 3 miles from my house! Take that you bastards! HA!) and Sandy (my wife) also loved the film and agreed with me on all the reasons why it was so damn great! It's really nice to be right and know you're right and then have someone tell you you're right...am I right?!

Yeah, I'm right.

And you, of course, know this because you immediately went and saw the movie after I told you to twelve paragraphs ago, right?

Right.

Word.

R

Greetings all! Just took the family to see the new Disney movie, Enchanted, at the brand spanking new IPIC theatre located at the newly renovated Bayshore Town Center Mall. The mall is nice, the theatre spectacular--luxury seating, intimate size, chic bar and restaurant and a friggin' bowling alley!--and the movie was absolutely wonderful! Best family movie we've seen in quite a few years. I couldn't recommend this movie enough to anyone with kids...you know what? to anyone at all! I was delighted throughout the entire film. The actors were all phenomenal with Amy Adams (Junebug; The Wedding Date) in the lead and stealing the show (and the hearts of the movie goers) with her charm and talent...and she can SING! James Marsden who always plays the stodgy types (X-Men & Superman Returns) displayed some wonderful, side-splitting comedic ability. And Dr. McDreamy a.k.a. Patrick Dempsey played the role of the straight man extremely well here with some real heart. I gave up on Grey's Anatomy a long time ago but he really proved his star power in this film.

So what's the darned movie about? Simple: it's a fairytale come to life. The movie starts out in a classic Disney animated world playing up all the typical scenarios of the fair maiden waiting for her Prince Charming who's a dashing, courageous sort capturing giant trolls with his broad sword and even broader smile. They both long for true love and find themselves thrown together where they instantly fall in love while singing the same song, finishing the missing parts of their "destiny duet!" But, alas, there's the evil step-mother, of course, who wants nothing more than to see the Prince remain unwed so that she can remain Queen and reap the rewards such a station sews.

And so the evil step-mother tricks the fair maiden on their wedding day (the day after they meet of course!) into falling down a well where she then finds herself no longer a beautifully animated fairy tale character but a true living breathing in-the-flesh person (still mesmerizing BTW) landed smack dab in the middle of absolute "non fairytale land" New York city. She's lost. Literally and figuratively. And that's where the fun begins as we see her oh-so-sweet naivete trying to cope with the harshness of reality. She meets Dr. McDreamy and he reluctantly takes her in trying to help someone he believes to be delusional. And Prince Charming (Prince Edward actually; James Marsden) follows after her down the well and also into our reality. He's absolutely hilarious as he seems absolutely oblivious to the fact that things are completely different here--Attacking a city bus to free the citizens from it's belly is priceless fun.

And the chipmunk? Nice added fun for the kids! Heck, for the adults too.

I won't give away the whole shebang but in the end you leave truly uplifted. I know it may sound corny but it's a wonderful, heartwarming fairytale and I loved it!

A+ on this one folks. GO!

word.

r

I love Jerry Seinfeld. My wife loves Jerry Seinfeld. We watch--and have watched--Seinfeld just about every day in syndication and we continue to love it. The man is a genius! THE BEE MOVIE written by Jerry Seinfeld?...not so much. It's a clever, cute idea that never takes flight (that corny little play on words is a sampling of the types of lines in the movie! UGH!). Simply put, the movie was boring.

The premise: A newly graduated young bee learns that he now must enter the job market and that once he picks his job he does it for the rest of his life until he drops dead. And making honey is it. That's all bees do. He wants more. He goes out with the bees ("Flight Jockeys") who gather pollen one day as they have the glory jobs and discovers a big bright new world. He also (inexplicably) strikes up a friendship with a human woman (yes, apparently bees and humans can communicate) and then learns that humans eat, sell, and use enslaved bees to make honey for their own consumption without compensating the bees in any way. So he sues humans for stealing honey and wins. The bees get all the honey back, the enslaved bees go free and all the flowers in the world begin to wither and die. Lesson learned! Bees have a very important function the entire planet depends on. So, our little misguided bee must now go to the Tournament Of Roses parade and hijack a float with roses so they can re-pollenate central park and save the world.

Believe it, or not, the premise isn't half bad...it's the execution that totally misfires. It's choppy at best with no real cohesive flow or rhythm. The jokes are horrible. No characters pop out as being likable or memorable. There were a slew of corny jokes and puns which garnered little more than sparse chuckles from the crowd (I think I counted 6), no real tension or conflict, and poor use of the only semi-funny character in the movie; Chris Rock's mosquito character ( I think he had 2 whole minutes of screen time). Patrick Warburton's voice talent (we love Patrick too!) was completely wasted as a constantly screaming, annoying tennis bum. Not funny. Renee Zellwegger(sp?) also wasted with bad lines and a pretty directionless character in the film. And Jerry's character whined in a high shrill throughout the entire film. The high shrill CAN be funny when used sporadically or timed appropriately, but it seemed as if he talked like this through the entire film...and he talked quite a bit. Way too much, in fact. It's like what The Simpsons has sadly become the last 6 seasons...non-stop banter for the sake of non-stop banter. The writers seem to think they have to jam as much pandemonium as possible into each and every scene! Whatever happened to the old comedian adage about "comedy is timing"? They left the audience no time to breathe in THE BEE MOVIE. And yet, the end result of all the pandemonium and high shrilling?...a very, very bored audience. I had trouble staying awake! My daughter, who is an animation junkie has her head on my shoulder through half the film! And after the film we ran into a family we knew and the mom whispered she almost fell asleep and Sandy's (my wife) eyes popped wide as she exclaimed, "ME TOO!"

Bottom-line: we were very sad that we did not like this movie. We wanted to! We love Seinfeld. Truly. But the movie is not very good. In all honesty I give it a D+ and that's "bee"ing very generous (another sample of the humor). I was SHOCKED today reading the Entertainment Weekly review where they gave it an A-!!! Although they do tend to pander to the studios sometimes, don't they. That's why it's wise to wait a week and read the average grade grid they do. I tend to agree with Renee Rodriguez in general...but I digress.

Save your money folks. Watch reruns of Seinfeld instead.

Word!

r